Nearly 1 in 8 newlyweds now choose to maintain separate homes, with 12.5% opting for Living Apart Together arrangements in 2023—more than double the rate from 1980.
This dramatic shift challenges traditional marriage expectations and reflects how modern couples are redefining successful partnerships to balance love, practical concerns, and personal autonomy.
Key Takeaways
- Age and education significantly influence LAT choices, with over 26% of couples aged 15-24 and nearly 30% of those without high school diplomas choosing separate living arrangements
- Second and third marriages show higher LAT adoption rates at 10.6% and 10.2% respectively, as experienced partners prioritize maintaining individual identity and managing complex family dynamics
- Career demands and personal space needs drive many LAT decisions, allowing couples to pursue optimal professional opportunities while preserving relationship quality and reducing daily friction
- Financial implications vary widely, with some couples finding strategic savings through separate smaller spaces while others face increased costs from maintaining two households
- Success requires intentional communication and mutual commitment, as couples must be more deliberate about staying connected emotionally without daily interactions and shared routines
How Relationships Are Changing
The modern marriage landscape has transformed dramatically. Couples across all demographics embrace Living Apart Together (LAT) arrangements at unprecedented rates. This trend represents more than simple preference—it reflects fundamental changes in how people view successful partnerships.
The Role of Career and Mobility
Economic pressures and career mobility drive many LAT decisions. Young professionals often find themselves accepting job opportunities in different cities. Rather than forcing one partner to sacrifice career advancement, couples choose geographical separation as a practical solution. This approach allows both individuals to optimize their professional growth while maintaining their romantic connection.
Impact of Educational and Economic Factors
Educational differences also influence LAT arrangements. Couples without high school diplomas face unique economic challenges that make shared housing complicated. Some partners work multiple jobs with conflicting schedules, making separate living spaces more practical than attempting to coordinate complex routines in one household.
Lessons from Previous Marriages
Previous marriage experience creates different priorities for many couples. Those entering second or third marriages often want to preserve independence that they may have lost in earlier relationships. Children from previous partnerships add another layer of complexity. Separate homes can provide stability for blended families while allowing the couple to develop their relationship at their own pace.
Weighing the Financial Side of LAT
Financial considerations vary significantly between couples. Some find that maintaining two smaller apartments costs less than renting one larger space in a desirable area. Others discover that dual households strain their budgets through doubled utilities, rent payments, and household supplies. Each couple must calculate their specific situation carefully.
Communication and Emotional Intimacy
Communication becomes absolutely critical in LAT relationships. Without daily face-to-face interaction, partners must make deliberate efforts to stay emotionally connected. Regular video calls, scheduled visits, and shared digital experiences help maintain intimacy across physical distance. Technology enables constant contact that previous generations couldn’t access.
Building Trust Without Proximity
Trust and commitment face different tests in LAT arrangements. Partners can’t rely on physical presence to reinforce their bond. Instead, they must demonstrate dedication through consistent communication, planned time together, and mutual respect for the chosen arrangement. This intentional approach often strengthens relationships by removing assumptions about automatic connection.
Clarity of Expectations
The success of LAT relationships depends heavily on clear expectations and boundaries. Partners need explicit agreements about frequency of contact, visiting schedules, financial responsibilities, and future plans for potential cohabitation. Ambiguity creates unnecessary stress and conflict.
Culture and Social Acceptance
Social acceptance of LAT arrangements continues growing. Friends and family members increasingly understand that separate living doesn’t indicate relationship problems. This cultural shift removes external pressure that once pushed couples into traditional cohabitation before they felt ready.
Advantages of Maintaining Individual Autonomy
LAT arrangements offer unique advantages for maintaining individual identity within committed partnerships. Each partner retains their personal space, routines, and social connections without daily negotiation or compromise. This autonomy can reduce relationship tension while preserving romantic attraction.
Navigating Shared Responsibilities
However, LAT relationships also face distinct challenges. Holiday planning becomes more complicated when partners must split time between multiple family obligations. Career opportunities requiring relocation create additional stress when both partners have established separate lives in different locations.
Future Outlook on LAT Relationships
The decision to transition from LAT to cohabitation requires careful consideration. Many couples use LAT as a testing period before making larger commitments. Others find that separate living works so well that they choose to maintain the arrangement indefinitely, even through marriage and major life changes.
Future trends suggest LAT arrangements will continue increasing as remote work becomes more common and social attitudes about relationships evolve. Technology improvements will likely make maintaining long-distance connections even easier, supporting couples who choose this lifestyle.
LAT represents one valid approach among many relationship models. Success depends on honest communication, mutual respect, and alignment between partners about their goals and expectations. The arrangement works best when both individuals actively choose it rather than accepting it reluctantly due to circumstances beyond their control.
For further reading on the evolution of relationship trends, check out this Pew Research Center report on marriage and modern family structures.
Why Nearly 1 in 8 Newlyweds Choose to Live in Separate Homes
The statistics paint a clear picture of a shifting landscape in American marriages. I’ve observed a dramatic transformation in how couples approach cohabitation, with 12.5% of newlyweds choosing to maintain separate residences in 2023. This represents more than double the 5.7% rate from 1980, signaling a fundamental change in relationship expectations and lifestyle choices.
Demographics Drive the Living Apart Together Movement
Age plays a crucial role in determining who embraces this unconventional arrangement. Young couples between 15-24 years old lead this trend, with over 26% opting for separate homes despite being newly married. I find this particularly fascinating because it challenges traditional assumptions about young love and the desire to nest together immediately after tying the knot.
The pattern shifts significantly as couples age. Among 25-34-year-olds, the percentage drops to 9.2%, suggesting that career establishment and financial stability may influence living decisions during these prime earning years. However, the trend resurges among older newlyweds, with 13.7% of those 65 and older choosing separate residences. This older demographic often brings established homes, adult children, and complex financial situations that make maintaining separate spaces more practical.
Educational background creates another distinct pattern in LAT preferences. Nearly 30% of newlyweds without a high school diploma choose separate living arrangements, while fewer than 10% of college graduates make the same choice. This disparity likely reflects economic factors, as financial considerations often influence housing decisions more than romantic ideals.
Career demands frequently drive these decisions among educated professionals. I’ve noticed that couples in demanding fields often find that maintaining separate spaces allows them to focus on work commitments while preserving relationship quality. The arrangement can reduce daily friction over household management and personal routines that might otherwise create tension.
Geographic factors also contribute to the rise in LAT relationships. Job markets increasingly require flexibility, and some couples find success by maintaining residences in different cities or regions. This approach allows both partners to pursue optimal career opportunities without forcing one person to sacrifice professional advancement.
The financial implications vary significantly based on circumstances. While maintaining two households typically costs more, some couples discover savings through strategic choices about location, size, and amenities. Rent costs in expensive urban areas sometimes make sharing smaller separate spaces more affordable than finding a larger shared residence in desirable neighborhoods.
Personal space and autonomy remain primary motivators for many couples choosing this lifestyle. I’ve observed that individuals who value independence highly often thrive in LAT arrangements, finding that separate homes allow them to maintain personal identity while building a strong partnership. This can be particularly appealing for individuals who value independence in various aspects of their lives.
Family dynamics from previous relationships sometimes necessitate separate living arrangements. Blended families face unique challenges when combining households, and maintaining separate residences can provide stability for children while allowing new marriages to develop naturally. Adult children living at home also influence these decisions, as combining multi-generational households requires careful consideration.
With an estimated 3.9 million Americans currently in LAT relationships, this trend represents a significant shift in how society defines successful partnerships. The arrangement challenges conventional wisdom about marriage requiring immediate cohabitation and suggests that couples are finding creative solutions to balance love, practical concerns, and personal needs.
Health considerations increasingly factor into these decisions, particularly among older couples. Separate residences can accommodate different medical needs, sleep schedules, or caregiving responsibilities while maintaining emotional connection and commitment. This practical approach often strengthens relationships by reducing stress and allowing partners to provide support without sacrificing personal well-being.
What Living Apart Together Really Means for Modern Couples
Living Apart Together represents a deliberate relationship choice that challenges conventional expectations about cohabitation. I’ve observed how this lifestyle arrangement allows couples to maintain their romantic commitment while preserving individual autonomy and personal space.
The Spectrum of LAT Arrangements
LAT relationships exist on a broad spectrum of living situations, each tailored to couples’ specific needs and preferences. Some partners choose to sleep in separate bedrooms within the same house, creating personal sanctuaries while sharing common spaces. Others maintain completely separate apartments or homes within the same neighborhood, allowing for easy visits while preserving individual territories.
The most extreme LAT arrangements involve couples living in different cities or even countries. These partners might see each other on weekends, during planned visits, or for extended periods during holidays. Traveling couples often embrace this lifestyle, maintaining separate bases while exploring the world together.
Distance doesn’t define the strength of these relationships. Many LAT couples report feeling more intentional about their time together, making each encounter meaningful rather than taking daily proximity for granted. They schedule date nights, plan special activities, and approach their relationship with the same excitement they felt during early courtship.
LAT couples make this choice for various practical and emotional reasons:
- Career demands: Particularly when partners work in different locations or have demanding schedules that require flexibility.
- Personal preference: Some individuals function better with their own space, finding that separate living arrangements reduce daily friction and preserve romantic spark.
- Financial considerations: Maintaining separate households can provide economic advantages, especially for couples who own property in different areas or have established local support networks. Smart financial planning becomes crucial for couples managing multiple residences.
- Personal growth: Partners value maintaining their individual identities, pursuing separate hobbies, and nurturing independent friendships.
This arrangement allows each person to continue developing personally while contributing to the relationship from a position of fulfillment rather than dependency.
The key distinction between LAT and relationship problems lies in intentionality. LAT couples actively choose their living arrangement as a positive lifestyle decision, not as a response to conflict or dissatisfaction. They communicate openly about their needs, establish clear boundaries, and regularly evaluate whether their arrangement continues serving both partners.
Modern technology facilitates LAT relationships through constant communication options. Video calls, messaging apps, and social media help partners stay connected throughout their daily routines. Shared experiences remain important, whether through virtual activities or planned in-person time.
Success in LAT relationships requires:
- Strong communication skills
- Mutual understanding
- Clarity around expectations and emotional needs
- Trust—particularly crucial when couples don’t share daily routines or living spaces
Many LAT couples report increased appreciation for their partners and reduced relationship stress. They avoid common cohabitation conflicts about household responsibilities, personal habits, or space usage. Each person can maintain their preferred lifestyle while still enjoying romantic partnership.
Critics sometimes question LAT arrangements, viewing them as commitment avoidance or relationship instability. However, research suggests that many LAT couples experience high relationship satisfaction and longevity. Their deliberate approach to partnership often results in more thoughtful relationship dynamics than traditional cohabitation provides.
LAT relationships require ongoing evaluation and adjustment. Life circumstances change, and partners might eventually choose to move in together or continue living apart indefinitely. The flexibility to adapt their arrangement based on evolving needs represents one of LAT’s greatest strengths for modern couples seeking alternative relationship structures.
From Career Demands to Personal Space: Why Couples Choose LAT
The decision to live apart while staying together stems from a variety of practical and emotional factors that modern couples face. Career obligations often drive these arrangements, particularly when partners have drastically different work schedules or face job-related relocations that require temporary or long-term separation. Sleep incompatibility becomes another significant factor, as partners with conflicting rest patterns discover they maintain better individual health and relationship harmony when they can follow their natural rhythms without compromise.
Many couples embrace LAT arrangements to preserve their sense of independence and autonomy. This lifestyle choice allows partners to maintain established routines, personal hobbies, and social circles without the constant negotiation that traditional cohabitation often requires. Solo pursuits and individual interests can flourish when each person has their own dedicated space to explore personal growth.
Family Obligations and Life Circumstances
Existing family responsibilities frequently influence couples’ decisions to maintain separate households. Partners might need to care for aging parents, manage custody arrangements with children from previous relationships, or handle other family obligations that make shared living situations complicated. These circumstances don’t diminish the romantic connection but create practical barriers that LAT arrangements can effectively address.
For older adults particularly, this lifestyle choice can significantly improve mental health and well-being. Having personal space allows individuals to focus on their interests while maintaining emotional intimacy with their partner. The freedom to decorate, organize, and live according to personal preferences without compromise often enhances overall life satisfaction.
However, LAT arrangements can sometimes mask underlying relationship issues. Physical separation might function as a convenient way to avoid addressing unresolved conflicts or relationship tensions rather than working through them directly. When couples use distance as an escape mechanism rather than a conscious lifestyle choice, the fundamental problems remain unaddressed and can eventually undermine the relationship’s foundation.
The key distinction lies in whether the living arrangement serves as a proactive choice that enhances both partners’ lives or as a reactive measure to avoid dealing with relationship challenges. Strong partnerships benefit from honest communication about motivations and regular check-ins to ensure the arrangement continues serving both individuals’ needs and relationship goals.
The Double-Edged Impact on Relationship Success
Living Apart Together arrangements can create either profound relationship satisfaction or unexpected challenges, depending on how couples approach this lifestyle choice. I’ve observed that LAT relationships thrive when partners establish intentional communication patterns and maintain their emotional connection despite physical separation. This arrangement often reduces daily friction points that plague traditional cohabiting couples, such as conflicting sleep schedules, different cleanliness standards, or varying social needs.
The stress reduction benefits become particularly apparent when partners have drastically different lifestyle preferences. One partner might be an early riser who enjoys quiet mornings, while the other prefers late nights and bustling environments. Rather than forcing compromise that leaves both people partially unsatisfied, LAT allows each individual to honor their natural rhythms while preserving relationship harmony.
However, this lifestyle approach carries significant risks when couples use physical separation as a method to sidestep difficult conversations or ongoing conflicts. I’ve noticed that some partners gravitate to LAT arrangements specifically because they struggle with direct communication or conflict resolution. This avoidance strategy often backfires, creating emotional distance that gradually erodes the foundation of the relationship.
Long-Term Adaptation Challenges
Extended LAT arrangements can fundamentally shift how couples relate to shared living experiences. Partners may become so accustomed to independent living that future cohabitation feels restrictive or overwhelming. This adaptation phenomenon presents unique challenges for couples who initially viewed LAT as a temporary solution or stepping stone.
Several factors contribute to this relationship dynamic shift:
- Individual routines become deeply ingrained without daily negotiation or compromise
- Financial independence may reduce the practical motivations for shared living
- Social circles can develop separately, creating less overlap in daily experiences
- Decision-making processes adapt to individual rather than collaborative approaches
- Physical intimacy patterns may shift due to planned rather than spontaneous interactions
Research conducted in the UK focusing on older adults revealed fascinating insights about LAT’s psychological impact. The study found that many participants experienced improved mental health and greater life satisfaction compared to their traditionally cohabiting counterparts. This research highlights how LAT can serve specific populations particularly well, especially those who’ve already established strong individual identities and prefer maintaining personal autonomy.
The success factors identified in this research emphasize the importance of intentionality in LAT relationships. Couples who actively choose this arrangement for positive reasons — such as career flexibility, personal growth, or lifestyle preferences — tend to experience better outcomes than those who drift into LAT due to circumstances or avoidance behaviors.
Nevertheless, the same research underscored potential limitations of long-term LAT arrangements. Some participants reported feeling disconnected from traditional relationship milestones or struggling with social acceptance of their choices. Traveling couples often face similar social questioning about their unconventional lifestyle choices.
The likelihood of relationship dissolution doesn’t necessarily increase with LAT arrangements, but the patterns of separation can differ significantly. Traditional cohabiting couples might experience gradual drift or explosive conflicts, while LAT couples may find their relationships simply fade into friendship without the daily friction that typically signals relationship problems.
Financial considerations also play a crucial role in LAT success rates. Couples must maintain separate living expenses while potentially sharing some relationship costs, which can create economic strain. Those with sufficient resources to comfortably maintain two households often report higher satisfaction levels, while couples stretching financially may experience stress that undermines relationship benefits.
Communication frequency and quality become absolutely critical in LAT arrangements. Without daily interactions, partners must be more deliberate about staying connected emotionally and practically. Successful LAT couples often develop structured communication routines, regular date schedules, and clear expectations about time spent together versus apart.
The arrangement works best when both partners feel equally committed to making the relationship succeed within this framework, rather than one person reluctantly accepting LAT as a compromise solution.
Second Marriages and the LAT Trend
I’ve observed a fascinating shift in how people approach love and commitment after previous relationship experiences. The Living Apart Together lifestyle has found particular resonance among those entering second or subsequent marriages, with 10.6% of second-marriage newlyweds and 10.2% of third-marriage newlyweds choosing to maintain separate residences while building their new partnership.
Why LAT Appeals to Experienced Partners
Individuals who’ve been through the marriage process before bring valuable relationship experience to their new partnerships. They often possess a clearer understanding of their personal needs, boundaries, and expectations. I find that these seasoned partners recognize the importance of maintaining their individual identity alongside their romantic commitment.
The LAT arrangement particularly appeals to those dealing with complex family circumstances from previous relationships. Consider these common scenarios that make separate living arrangements attractive:
- Managing custody schedules with children from previous marriages
- Maintaining established relationships with ex-spouses for co-parenting purposes
- Preserving financial independence and protecting assets accumulated before the new relationship
- Avoiding the disruption of relocating children during their formative years
- Keeping professional networks and community ties intact in different geographic areas
Personal independence takes on heightened significance for those who’ve experienced relationship dissolution. I notice that many second-marriage couples use LAT as a protective measure, allowing them to enjoy companionship while maintaining the autonomy they’ve grown accustomed to during their single years. This approach can feel particularly appealing for individuals who’ve learned to value their personal space and decision-making freedom.
The trend also reflects practical considerations that emerge later in life. Partners may own established homes, have deep community roots, or face career obligations that make cohabitation challenging. Rather than forcing major life changes, LAT allows couples to honor their existing commitments while building something new together.
However, I must address an important reality about second marriages and relationship outcomes. Despite the thoughtful approach that LAT represents, second marriages continue to face higher divorce rates compared to first marriages. This statistic reveals that separate living arrangements, while beneficial for many couples, don’t completely insulate relationships from the fundamental challenges that can strain partnerships.
The higher divorce rate among second marriages stems from various factors beyond living arrangements. Financial stress from supporting multiple households, blended family dynamics, and the emotional baggage from previous relationships all contribute to relationship strain. I’ve found that successful LAT couples in second marriages invest heavily in communication skills and establish clear expectations about their unconventional arrangement.
Financial considerations play a crucial role in LAT relationships among remarried couples. Maintaining two households requires greater resources, and couples often need creative strategies to manage the increased expenses while protecting their individual financial interests.
Despite these challenges, many couples find that LAT offers them the best path forward in their second chance at love. The arrangement allows them to apply lessons learned from previous relationships while creating space for personal growth within their new partnership. Success in these relationships often depends on both partners’ willingness to communicate openly about their needs and maintain realistic expectations about their unique situation.
The LAT trend among second marriages represents a mature approach to love that prioritizes compatibility and personal fulfillment over traditional relationship models. While it doesn’t guarantee relationship success, it provides a framework that can accommodate the complex realities many experienced partners face when building new lives together.
How Society Views This Growing Relationship Style
Society’s perception of Living Apart Together relationships continues to shift as more couples openly embrace this unconventional arrangement. What once seemed like an anomaly now receives serious consideration in mainstream conversations about modern love and partnership. Media coverage has played a significant role in normalizing LAT relationships, with feature articles and documentaries highlighting successful couples who’ve chosen this path. This increased visibility helps dispel myths that these arrangements are simply failed cohabitation attempts or stepping stones before breakup.
Growing Acceptance in Professional and Academic Circles
Relationship experts and sociologists increasingly recognize LAT as a deliberate lifestyle choice rather than a relationship problem requiring intervention. Academic research supports the validity of these arrangements, showing that many LAT couples report higher relationship satisfaction than their cohabiting counterparts. Professional counselors now receive training on supporting clients in non-traditional relationship structures, acknowledging that living apart doesn’t automatically signal relationship distress.
Persistent Challenges and Social Stigma
Despite growing acceptance, LAT couples still encounter skepticism, particularly when they’re married. Family members and friends often express confusion or concern about these arrangements, viewing separate living situations as contradictory to traditional marriage expectations. Some couples face subtle judgment from their communities, with assumptions that their relationship must be troubled or that they’re avoiding commitment. These misconceptions can create pressure for couples to justify their choices repeatedly.
Professional environments sometimes present additional challenges, as colleagues may question the legitimacy of these relationships or make inappropriate comments about living arrangements. Dating apps and social platforms haven’t fully adapted to accommodate LAT preferences, making it difficult for singles seeking similar arrangements to connect. Insurance companies and legal systems still operate primarily under traditional cohabitation models, creating practical obstacles for LAT couples seeking benefits or recognition.
The generational divide also influences acceptance levels, with younger adults generally showing more openness to alternative relationship structures than older generations. However, even among progressive communities, LAT relationships can face scrutiny when children are involved or during major life events like illness or financial hardship.
Financial considerations add another layer of complexity to societal perceptions. Some view LAT arrangements as financially irresponsible or privileged, assuming only wealthy couples can afford to maintain separate households. This perspective overlooks the creative solutions many LAT couples develop, such as strategic financial planning or shared living arrangements with friends.
Cultural differences also shape acceptance levels, with some societies showing greater tolerance for non-traditional relationships than others. Urban areas typically demonstrate more acceptance than rural communities, though this trend continues evolving as LAT relationships become more visible across diverse geographic locations.
Sources:
National Center for Family & Marriage Research, Bowling Green State University – “Married and living apart together”
Hargrave Family Law – “Living Apart Together: Does Distance Help or Hurt a Marriage?”
Rest Less – “Why living apart is a growing trend in relationships”
WRVO – “The Lessons Couples Learn From Living Apart Together”
CBS News – “Getting divorced? Chances are you’ll marry again, Pew says”
